kebodohan sejati!!

i was out with friends.. and something happened last nite... the initial intention : partayyyy!!...

guess who i bumped into??? N* and D*... i can still handle N but D, i'm not so sure... what made it so difficult?... both guys were my ex... and i was in love with D from before... but that story was 5 years ago...

its strange that 5 years from then, he can still make me feel the strangest things... that is so not exactly my finest hour... he was my love after all, he wsa my D... i've known him for almost 14 years... how would you feel when suddenly out of the blue, you meet a former love? for years... i've been dreaming to have his hand holding mine... for years, i had been wanting to feel him beside me... i got my wish 5 years late when i danced with him, but it wasnt what i expected... it wasnt in a way i've always wanted it to be...

both guys were in the same place with me. N was right in front of me and when i turn around, i see D... when i look at N, a part of me hurt... i saw hate in his eyes but i know he's lying; he still cared... sometimes, i feel like i just want to rush to his arms and comfort him... i hate to see him like that...

when i look at D, my heart broke... what little strength i have just disappears and i cried... when i first realized it was D, my body turned cold and i started to tremble... that was so strange.

when i broke up, it doesnt mean i stopped loving and caring... it just means that i cant have this relationship with that person... and it hurts me as well to do that... once i love, its real and it lasted... D will always be the first guy i ever loved. for now, i dont know if i can ever love anybody after this...

breaking up with N is a good thing... they say he's a bad boy, but i can see he's just a lonely one... but, a part of me hurt when i had to let him go... leaving D was the worst. it felt like i lost a bit of my life...