L.O.V.E. 101

ok... truth be said, i'm getting bored of writing n talking all about this shitty kind of love.
but, i just can't help myself. (it hurts worst than slapping!)...


so, here's my version of 1o1...


1) love is poison. once its in ur blood, it'll be all over ur body n kill u.


2) the heart is a soft, supple muscle (as science shows!). to keep it pumping, fill it with gallons of love.


3) never wear the heart on the sleeve. they will rip ur shirt out.


4) if u cry, ur eyes hurt. if u dont cry, ur heart hurt.


5) first love = first fuckup. (or major happiness if ur lucky)


6) no, i'm not bitter. just my insides hurt too much that i want to scream.


7) who said we're emotionless? we're just not good in showing our love.


8) when i say i like u, i lied. when i say i hate you, i could cut my tongue for lying.


9) love is like bottle of cognac; it burns a path right down to your heart.


last but not least... I LOVE YOU!!!

just thought you should know before i go.

kelly clarkson....

since when am i a fan of kelly clarkson????.... IDK.
but, i really like this song of hers....
it goes something like this......

remember all the things we wanted
now all our memories, they're haunted
we were always meant to say goodbye

even with our fists held high
it never would've worked our right
we were never meant for do or die

i didn't want us to burn out,
i didn't come here to hurt you, now i can't stop

looking at you makes it harder,
but, i know that you'll find another
that doesn't always make you want to cry

started with a perfect kiss
then we could feel the poison set in
perfect couldn't keep this love alive
you know that i love you so,
i love you enough to let you go

i want you to know it doesn't matter
where we take this road, someone's gotta go
and i want you to know,
you couldn't have loved me better
but, i want you to move on so i'm already gone....

am i yours?

help, help///

D checked up on me.

Breathe, Colette, breathe.

he's not gonna be back with you. it's just a friendly gesture.

Inhale, exhale. good... get a grip. or u want ur bestie to bitchslap u again???

Breathing.... ok. face it; its over. 5 years ago.

tiny heart...

Tiny heart, stuck inside yourself
When will you open up for me?
I love you so, wanna meet you again
Before one of us must go.

Your lips touched every hand but mine
In the shadows you slept fine
When will you get back to me so we can rest?

Tiny heart, you're not by yourself
When will you recognize the beat?
Of my own heart, making your blood flow
So that your chest can rise and fall.

Your lips touched every hand but mine
In the shadows you slept fine.
When will you get back to me so we can rest?

You will never know what you have done to me
You will never know losing your love for me
You will never know a single day alone.

Tiny heart, stuck inside yourself
When will you open up?

Your lips touched every hand but mine
In the shadows you slept fine
When will you get back to me so we can rest?

When you choose me, I'm waiting for you.
Always waiting.

monday blues...

i'm still feeling the aftermath of last week's party... *groans*

that friday night, i got a case of sore throat... but for my friends, i chose to ignore it and went and partied with them...

PADAN MUKA!

saturday, i immediately got a fever and sore throat. i slept the whole day, and woke up on sunday with my right eye aching and throbbing... [bummer]

now, slightly better. but, still kinda warm. hopefully will get better soon....

to u cosmetic users!!!

elianto eyeshadow have great texture. it was smooth and glides on easily to the skin. but, unfortunately, it crumbles just as easily.

i bought two types of elianto eyeshadow. one is glitter glam in midnight blue. the other is color perfection. color perfection is a trio of colors; mine was white, green and black. (i stress on the word "WAS" because i placed my handbag on the car floor a little to harshly and the eyeshadow just crumbles.) --> maybe i was a bit too hard, hehehe...

the liner was great. love the inky-ness of it.

mac's liner, not so. it smudges. pity, for something so expensive. the glitter powder was absolute F.A.B...

lets see.... comparing ZA mascara and maybelline, my pick is ZA. i love what it did to my lashes!!.. they were thicker and curvier... hehehe... maybelline, even after so many coatings, still doesnt give that thickness consistency to your lashes...

and, in2it shadows are great... they dont crumble. but, the textures are a bit too hard for my liking.. they dont go on so easily.

paramore!!!

there's a piano version of decode.

shit la!.... so nice...
hahahahahaha!!


i LAFF decode!!!!

twisted???... nope. retarttet pretty much.

i have this friend who is a friend of another friend. lets call the person involved as A. well, i kinda know A in way because A is involved with the church. i saw A teaching the kids Sunday class, and i kinda respected A for that.

because, although i go to church, i'm not very involved with it because i know that i am not prepared. i want to go to church with an open heart and mind. then, you can really receive the Spirit. well, that is my thought anyway.

ok, back to the story. one day, we were going to our spot. and, i saw A clubbing. i was like, fuck!!

its weird. here was this pious person. when night falls, everything comes out. no offense, but that just doesnt sound right.

heck, i'm no saint myself. but, i still know that it doesnt feel right to do that. pretty twisted if u ask me. hypocritical? hell, yeah. its like here you are worshipping God, the big Boss upstairs. but, when night falls, everything comes off and there you are clubbing, drinking away.

tell me, if this sounds right to you.

kebodohan sejati!!

i was out with friends.. and something happened last nite... the initial intention : partayyyy!!...

guess who i bumped into??? N* and D*... i can still handle N but D, i'm not so sure... what made it so difficult?... both guys were my ex... and i was in love with D from before... but that story was 5 years ago...

its strange that 5 years from then, he can still make me feel the strangest things... that is so not exactly my finest hour... he was my love after all, he wsa my D... i've known him for almost 14 years... how would you feel when suddenly out of the blue, you meet a former love? for years... i've been dreaming to have his hand holding mine... for years, i had been wanting to feel him beside me... i got my wish 5 years late when i danced with him, but it wasnt what i expected... it wasnt in a way i've always wanted it to be...

both guys were in the same place with me. N was right in front of me and when i turn around, i see D... when i look at N, a part of me hurt... i saw hate in his eyes but i know he's lying; he still cared... sometimes, i feel like i just want to rush to his arms and comfort him... i hate to see him like that...

when i look at D, my heart broke... what little strength i have just disappears and i cried... when i first realized it was D, my body turned cold and i started to tremble... that was so strange.

when i broke up, it doesnt mean i stopped loving and caring... it just means that i cant have this relationship with that person... and it hurts me as well to do that... once i love, its real and it lasted... D will always be the first guy i ever loved. for now, i dont know if i can ever love anybody after this...

breaking up with N is a good thing... they say he's a bad boy, but i can see he's just a lonely one... but, a part of me hurt when i had to let him go... leaving D was the worst. it felt like i lost a bit of my life...

M.O.N.O.T.O.N.E.

i think i need variety.

seriously.

i'm getting bored.

mars vs venus

obvious difference between guys n girls

1) guys: dota. girls: facebook n yahoo.
2)guys: football. girls: nails n facials.
3)guys: silence n guy talk. girls: goss, goss n more GOSS...

similarities:... both love a good time.

conclusion: we are different.

today...

went out for birthday party at my friend's dad's friend's house.... it was more of a family gathering.. n we felt a bit out of place... heck, i cant even understand a word they were saying. but, when justin spoke their tongue, i understand every word he say although it the same lingo. weird.

one word for kingway: wannabe.

it doesnt taste like alcohol. scratch that. it's not even beer. shame, shame.

since it was merdeka day, we stayed around till past midnight. stan suggested pool. so we played for 5 games. i played for 4 n i win all 4.

damn! i sooooo love kicking guys' asses. look who's boss? ;)

thursday

one time we went out... this big white van suddenly skidded in front of us... next thing we know, the whole thing just rolled over... i was, like, aw s**t!... but, then i was also laughing. i think i'm a bit twisted. call me crazy. but, i feel bad for laughing... help me. =(

dat day was awful n guilt-ridden n ssoooooo awkward....

few days later, we went out to watch i love u, beth cooper... 2 be honest, it was boring. i soooooo wanted 2 see orphan n g.i. joe... but, they had went ahead n watchd without me... i was disapointed n a bit of a downer... sigh~... mayb i shud stop get excited too easily over all the little stuff...

orphan!!!... GI joe!!!... huhuhhuh...

rose, glass, blood and shadow....

Chocolate in her fingers, but she smells blood,

Her eyes wide in confusion, searching…

But, for what?

Her hands felt like ice,

Cold, clammy and lifeless…

As pain takes her life away,

She starts to wonder,

“If I’m already dead, why am I still breathing?”

Black shadows of the night,

She blends amongst them well…

Knives glinting, blades seducing

Begging to be ran along her wrists

Wait… she heard something… screams…

Her own blood is screaming,

Screaming to be spilled…

It feels so hollow, so empty..

To be part of the world,

Yet, not belonging

Is that possible?

A shadow constantly moving,

She’ll disappear with the slightest touch

A white rose in a pool of blood,

Her beauty hidden beneath her pain…

A glass, translucent and clear,

One smash, and she’ll break..

What’s this?

A little beating?

Her heart’s still alive,

But… so… frail.

I wonder…

Will it die with the final stab?

Her heart withers like a dead rose in winter,

Her body moving, yet she isn’t feeling

Her lips talking, yet she couldn’t hear

Her eyes seeing, but not really looking….

Am I even alive?

yahaey yay!!!!... =)

my uncle's getting married... yippeeeee!!!....

so happy for him....

he's great n sporting... funny, crazy, he's always smiling n laughing...

congratz on ur big day, unc!!...

fingers crossed... when is it my turn? *bursting into giggles*... ;)

i love my life!!.. ;)

oh, oh! did i mention i have a new love interest now???

its....

......
............
.......

***********

pole dancing!... i mean, like serious shit!... its totally cool... absolute great workout.. 2nd best to bellydancing. bellydancing does magical stuff to ur hips, n booty... but pole dancing is, like, all over body drug... yea, u get sore frm it... but, amazing!.. u feel ur muscles everywhere... work it, baby!!! =)

my name....

c = committed... but just enough before bits of her dies slowly...
o = obliges to whatever is asked of her..
l = listens n loves wherever she can...
e = escapist... one minute she's there, next she's gone... keep an eye on her.
t = to know her, is to see her... to see her, is to take off her mask...
t = tender... beneath all the hard exterior... can u guess?
e = ephemeral... is not always there to stay... afraid... so afraid... to stay...

movies!!!!

we went to watch district 9... we as in the usual crew, it was great!!... i love the idea of them gunning the aliens n humans down. altho i wasnt so keen with the whole butchering thing. n knife slicing.. euw~~... when those scenes come out, i just peep between my fingers..

we went out to eat at cat statue. returning arnd 2am. nothing much, juz same old casual hangout time... am i imaginning it or is karlslaw avoiding me?

sebukap... bukap... peraya...

oh, shoot i forgot the name.

either way, we had picnic close 2 dat area. it was fun... n mad. stan n i nearly drowned. the "perks" of being a city kid... i was waaayyyyy too spoiled for my own good. hahahaha!!

had roasted pig. barbecued chix. burnt fish. finishing touch? watermelons. hehehe...

justin got stuck in the tree b4 he jumped into the pond. i almost burst my stomach frm laughing... n i jusr discovered he was afraid of heights... stevie stepped on charcoal. thank goodness, he didnt burn his foot. i didnt realize the parang was just inches frm my foot... ben had a bad case of cramps aftr dat.. only stroyan n karlslaw were spared... hahahaha!!

went home. talked to my parents n introduced the boys to them. went out later for a game of pool. i kicked karlslaw's ass. hahahaha!! =P

cherry blossoms in january, winter snow in white...

yeah... well, we went out a few times.. and, um, i kinda like bumped into my ex. i hav no hard feelings whatever at him... but, he kinda hated me for leaving... would u blame me? i didnt trust him enough for he lied over small matters.

anyway, back to the story. i decided for a 2nd shot aftr seeing him a couple of times. i sensed he still cared but the hate was stronger. n, he said harsh words about me n so i retaliated... revenge was sweet. i hated him equally aftr dat... n i purposely pissed him off whn we bumped into each other in the club.

i had a helluva fun with my boys n girl dat nite. partied like crazy. drunk till i'm close to stoned (wait, mayb i was =P...). flirted like mad. just being a typical, bitchy bad girl. i was good to him, i never spoke badly of him. i tried to defend him when ppl spoke badly of him.. n this is wat he gives??? bitching about me???... i thought whn u care, u dont do dat to each other.

so, that was it.

he just messed with the wrong girl.

revenge was sweet.

recent events..

its been so long since my last blog. but, i guess i was too lazy to update it anyway... couch potatoes. it runs in the family. hehehe... cant help myself.

to begin with, i had new best friends (boys)! HEARTSS!!!... =).. they followed me home one day and i ended up with interrogations by my baby sister.. she asked ma, "kak, u got female friends or not?".. ok. awkward. i answered, yes. she asked me again, "why they never follow u home?".. and i have no backup answer 4 dat.. in which i managed to only utter, "sibok".

stan, aw man, he's great. he has a thing 4 tigers, ya c. the only way 2 get im' talking, is 2 send him tigers... n i mean LOTS. we get along just fine =)... then, there's justin. my gosh, i love dat boy!... it's like i met my long lost brother in emo-hood. awesome!... there's stevie. the absolute sweetest with a kinder heart... hehehehe... u cant help but want 2 protect him. then, there's ben. in a way, he kinda reminds me of my cousin.. hehehe.. same style, same behaviour... a bit crazy really, laughs 4 like no apparent reason.. =) there's karlslaw. when we're noisy, he's quiet n vice versa. oddly enough, i sensed that he's a bit awkward arnd me... but, he's cool anyway...

galoshes.... gals love shoes... correct?

yesterday is sooOOOooo dont count as a good day. the night before, i got my result. the next day (yesterday), i got sick. is it from knowing it or just a plain flu bug? no idea... but, to me, it seems like an ominous sign.... perhaps?

yea, i'm kinda angry at my mum for being unconsiderate last night. u got a sick kid in tow, why cant u just go home early??? well, i'm partly to blame. maybe i should not have followed them.... u see, we have this makan-makan time at kampung... i thought i'd go n get myself drunk coz i'm feeling really down in the dumps...as it seems, i didnt go drunk....i got sicker!! wut a faggot!! arggHHH!!! u have no idea how frustrated i am...

i dont know how today will be. but, i guess we'll see.. option A: sleep my way through.. sounds like a good plan...

wat really bugs me is today is the day when all the good stuff is happening!!! and i'm missing out!!! all because of this cold.. stupid, stupid cold... this afternoon, is supposed to be girlfriends' time.... my night planner has an open mic gig at ruai bar with singletrackmind performing with one group of friend and clubbing the night away with a different group... *groan* i hate missing out like this....

guess i'll just drown my frustrastions in my sleep.... see ya in lala land.

unsatisfactory.... shud get better la!!

i really need to lose the excess pounds.... groannnn....~~

dont get me wrong, i like my size... absolutely LAFF it... i mean, i got "stuff", man... plus points to consider, looks pretty DAMN GOOD when u start gelek bellydancer-ish... all the right body parts moving, jiggling... sensuous, man... makes u feel fucking sexy! hahahhaa... makes u gonna goo goo gaa gaa... got hips? work it, babe.. got goobs? flaunt them, honey... celebrate being a woman, woo hoo!! hahaha...

but, the only problem is.... i cant 'work it' when i start going active.. by active, i mean involved outdoor sports.. i love outdoorsy stuff, dude!... my extra pounds, they're holding me back!!!.. i cant run as fast as i want... i cant do dummies, darn it... they toll on my stamina; i tire easily... not exactly sportmanship material, dang.

saturday..

went out last night with a fren... considerably older la, parents terkejut beruk tgk him... hahahhaa... maybe they thought i hang out only with people my age group...well, i like to vary my friends, young to old, student to job holders, bumis to non bumis.... best ba, gain lotsa perspective frm differnt age groups, working class n races...

went out to memories, had chocolate ice cream.. thank goodness, i didnt comot myself ths time... i have this terrible habit of getting comot whenever i have anything chocolate-flavoured... i even get dirty makan tokiwado.... apakah???!!!... hahahhaha!!!!

then later dinner outside wif family at hongkong noodle house... went to guardian.. saw ths interesting product owh... hair mud n hair mask... very tempted to buy n try it out... even the body butter sold there looks good... haiyoh!!... help!! i'm a cleansing product freak, hahahah... maok ku cuba aih... hehehe...

june 09

so, gawai is now almost over.... i had a load of fun... first and foremost, there's the makan-makan time.. we always have makan-makan during festivities... hahahaha... at both my grandparents' house... but, i kinda wished that my uncle toy n aunty mona was there.. it'd be a whole lot nicer, wish siban was there too instead of working....

after dat, we went to damai puri... it was PURR-fect!! i love it!! hahaha.. the beach was beautiful, the room was smashin' and the pools, OMG, the perfect haven... hahaha... n i caught this hot chinese guy looking at me... with looks and muscles to boot... hubba, hubba, mama mia!! hahaha.. pity, he didn't come over and switch numbers with me... heheheh.. cant a girl dream. =)

next we had makan-makan again at kampung... i had too much wine, and a bit too tipsy.. but i wont admit it... boy, were there a lot of booty-shakin' by me, my aunt, inai and other male relatives... hahahaha... it was awesome, man!!! next time, i shud learn some moves n pick up some music, so we can really boogey!! =)

rihanna - hatin on the club

now this'd be the last time
you did me wrong
no more laying up in your arms
no calling, saying you want me back
i'm packing my bags,
what you think about that?

i stayed at home like a good girl do
but, tonight, baby, you got me sad and blue
i just heard 'bout the girl in your car
y'all kissing at the bar
got me cry,

u got me hatin on the club
coz u took my love
oh, you took my love
now u got me like, oh,
u got me hatin on the club
coz u took my love
why you have to take my love

and you can be mad at me all you want
i ain't coming in,
i'm waiting out front
coming out the door
with your girlfriend
u did me wrong
now tell me where our love went

now this is the sound of a broken heart
there's only one reason we're apart
you should never would've made it in you car
if it wasn't for the club,
i'd still have my love
i'd still have my love
we would til have us
i still have my love
we would still have us...


this song is for an ex-boyfriend... we fell apart coz of the club...

a mere fantasy...

he's going back today... he sent me a message, saying, "bye, cokolet. i'm leaving now, take care of yourself..." i replied with equal humor, "smell ya later, albino. take care n have a safe trip..."

what really hit me is that nauseating feeling of butterflies in my stomach... i am in denial. DENIAL!! although i may be able to forget him for a while, but, time and time again, there'll be a fleeting moment when my thoughts would go to him, and...

i dont want him to forget me, i dont want to let him go, i dont want to say goodbye... but... i have to... i must... there's a pull between us, i know. but like me, he's resisting it and in denial. because we must, we have to... i sound so pathetic here... hahahah!! so, albino... here's to you... goodbye, and take care of yourself... come for me, come home to me, when you've found yourself and what you needed....

rantings

i am soooooooooo EXCITED!! cant wait for gawai 2 cum... why? coz, we're vacationing in ths superbo hotel.... muz hav cost like, an LED tv... i knw, my parents can be mad sometimes, but, heck, they're a whole load more fun than monotonous family... andddd... i need a bikini-ready body, ASAP!! huaaaaa~~

btw, tips on glamarama 101, QUICKKK!!!

i'm kinda bored wif my look...i range frm normal look-ish to goth-ish to boy-ish. lady-like is sooooo rare... hehehe... i need something new. i neew something that says... VA-VOOM!! hehehehehehehe... so, help me!..... =) heeeeeee....